Bad things happen to good people, children

Having a large extended family is great on holidays and birthdays.  The horrible part of having such a large extended family?  Their deaths.

My dad has 8 siblings, and my mom has 13.  Each of my aunts and uncles have healthy amounts of children of their own, who in turn have 5+ children each, like good procreating Catholics.

Leo Saavedra, 4-years-old

This morning, I received a 5 am wake-up call that my 4-year-old nephew passed away from asthma complications. He had fluid in his lungs and they couldn't do anything to save him.  Over Easter, my 25-year-old cousin kicked the bucket suddenly.  These things come in threes, so I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Who's next?

Sometimes, I wish I didn't have feelings.  It would make going through life a heck of a lot easier.  Maybe then events such as these would not affect me so much.

When bad things happen to good people, it makes me sad.  When bad things happen to children, I just lose hope.

Let's Talk

There’s not much I can say that others have not already said.  What happened in Newtown, Connecticut is becoming way too common.  And I don’t have an answer to offer as to how to put a stop to such senseless death.

The only things I can do are comfort and reassure my own children.  

My daughter, the fearless leader, has a plan on what to do for her survival: hide.  She is small enough to fit many places and can keep quiet, she said.  

My son, on the other hand, did not want to go back to school.  While parents around the country were holding their children close in gratitude, I did not have to – my son was hanging on me and would not let go.  

It should not take a tragedy to bring families together.  We all have busy lives that include work, school, and extracurricular activities.  

Something as little as having dinner together with conversation brings people together.  My family makes a point to eat around the table when we are home together. 

We also have mandatory family fun scheduled known as FFT: Forced Family Time.  It is not as bad as it sounds; it is named so that there is no wiggle room for a way out.  We watch a movie, play a board game, or go for a walk.  Most importantly, we talk.

Instead of running around stressed, take the time to rest and relax.  Get things out in the open instead of holding them in.  I don’t punish my children for saying what they feel, I just encourage healthier and acceptable ways of releasing their anger.

I don’t pretend to know what was going through the shooter’s mind, but I can tell you those kids were scared.  I hope the survivors are afforded the ability to grieve and work thorough their emotions in private.  I hope reporters remember that.

Those kids have already been through enough, don’t you think?

Baseball for Dummies

"Ice cream cone!" My son shouted, as the baseball I caught barely made it into my glove.  I shrieked as another ball came barreling towards me.  I dashed after another, huffing and puffing, and stretched my arm out to grab at it. 

This baseball season has been odd for me.  My 10-year-old is on another new team, and I am the one left who can practice with him.  Grandpa has too much on his plate and dad's work schedule has not been ideal.  That leaves me trying to improve my son's game, and not ruin it, with my limited knowledge of the sport.

This is how I ended up practicing with my son on a sunshiny day…wearing jeans.  I did not think this one through, as I was sweating like a hog.  However, once I had my rhythm, I was really enjoying myself.  I had forgotten how much fun baseball is.

Even though the season is almost over, and football will be next on our list, we can still throw the ball around and retain the arm for next year.  My expertise is not really needed, as the very nice lady who was watching us said, “You two did very well.  Good job mom.”

So, even though you may not know a thing about a sport, don’t let that keep you from attempting it.  I figure I may have a season or two left where I can still practice with my child, then it is sayonara mama.  And that sweaty, dirty grin I received from my son?  Definitely worth the pain I will be feeling the next day on my sore, sore arm.
 

Mean Girls

cinemanow.com

I thought being cruel stopped once you became an adult, but I guess I was wrong. You know that movie Mean Girls? Well, those girls grow up to be Mean Moms.

Since I became a mom, I have attended several sporting events that have given me a front row seat to the atrocious behavior of some parents.

You hear all the time of kids throwing tantrums and such, but it's no wonder considering the way some parents behave!

I attended several baseball games this weekend, all for the kids. While I was delighted to hear encouraging words, I did happen to catch an unpleasant incident.

I was seated on some bleachers with my daughter when a young boy of about 7 came by with a bright red ball.  You could tell he was from the other team because he was wearing their uniform, he was just a younger player.  His pants were on inside-out and he was filthy from playing in the dirt. He was absolutely adorable, with sunny yellow hair and bright blue eyes full of mischief. 

And full of mischief he was.  He was in and out of the bleachers, tossing his ball around and nearly hitting a couple of us.  After being shooed away he was digging in the dumpster, goodness knows what treasures he was looking for.  His enthusiasm made me smile.

He was bored with that pretty soon, and found his way back underneath the rickety bleachers.  He was weaving in and out until some potato chips on the ground caught his eye, and he promptly shoved them in his mouth.

"No honey, it's dirty on the floor." I said, as I simultaneously heard laughter behind me.

"Oh my God, did you see that?!" I heard them say, "That's so gross!"  They continued to comment and giggle as the poor child looked up at them.  You'd think that would shut them up.  If I could hear them, then he definitely could. 

If you could have seen the look in his eyes, you'd know I'm not  just being touchy.  Maybe the kid was just hungry and was eating whatever food was available to him, no need to talk about him like he's not there.

My daughter asked me why those ladies were laughing at the boy, and even that didn't stop them.  Not until a man came over and called for the boy did they shut up. 

I don't know why that touched a nerve so much, I guess because I thought about how awful they might treat a child when no one is around.  Guess some people don't lose the mean gene, huh? 

Emotions

I admit I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.  In fact, it happens quite often.  I am very reactionary; tell me something that hurts and I instantly fire up.  It is my defense against the pain:  I would much rather feel anger than disappointment.  Why?

There is a quote by one of my favorite people, Maya Angelou that says, “Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”

I find this to be very true.  As soon as my emotions have flared up and died down, I can start to think rationally.  Things make more sense. 

That is not to say that I blow up at every little thing.  You may not see the inner struggle going on, but it is there.  The only one that gets to share in that joy is my husband.  He gets the full wrath of this Mexican.

I can be a complete jackwagon sometimes (or always) and my husband has the patience to deal with my moods.  I will apologize occasionally, but whatever it is, it is usually his fault. 

Do not go feeling sorry for him.  He knew what he was getting into when we married.  I made no bones about my being a nutcase.  I did not hide the psycho from him.

Call me crazy, but I find it much healthier to feel the rage, let it die down, and move on.  Hatred and resentment just take too much energy.  After 10 years, my husband has learned to LEAVE ME ALONE while I stew because once it is over, it’s over. 

We all have different ways of coping with our feelings.  Some people laugh it off, some cry, and some get really pissed off.  Some internalize and take it out on loved ones. 

Whatever way you choose to cope, just remember: Karma.  It all comes back to you tenfold. 

As for me, I have offspring that remind me every day why I should be a better example.  While none of us is perfect, I am giving myself (and my spouse) a pat on the back.  When other children tell you your kids are good friends, well, that is enough validation for me.

Stress

Even as a 9-year-old, stress can get the best of us.  This is why I was not shocked when my daughter had a meltdown this morning in the grocery store.  Embarrassed?  Oh yeah, but not surprised. 
 
You can always tell when the pressure is building.  Maya is wound very tight, and when she is stressed she is short with people.  She puts a lot of pressure on herself to be perfect and has mini-panic attacks.
 
So with all this stuff hanging over her head:  oral country report with a food sample due, field trip money due, chores and homework to be done, plus basketball….if she can’t do it all now, how will she be prepared for life???
 
These are not my thoughts, they are hers.  For whatever reason, she is worried about how she will afford an apartment on her own and be able to budget, and with good reason.  Look at the mess the U.S. is in economy-wise. 
 
All I can tell her is to be prepared as much as you can.  Savings are great.  Budgets help you reach your goals.  Be prepared and all that.  I suppose it does not help when your mother procrastinates, but she’s a trouper.  That is her weakness:  the things she can’t control. 
 
So when her brother attempted to help her bag groceries this morning, well, that’s the stick that broke the camel’s back.  She threw a fit like a 2-year-old, “CRIS!  DON’T TOUCH THEM – I’M BAGGING!”
 
Her brother had enough sense to roll his eyes and say, “Maya, I’m only trying to help.” 
 
She calmed down enough to go out to the car, but I let her know that her behavior was not acceptable.  I understand she needed an outlet for her stress, but that was not it. 
 
Being the awesome parents we are, my husband and I have a plan of action.  We know what she needs: a stress-free day where there is nothing to do but what MAYA wants to do.  And that’s what she’ll get, after we lay out expectations and healthy ways to de-stress.