15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

 



www.flickr.com/photos/riotlainie



When I first read the above blog title, I clicked on it figuring these would be quick fixes to clean up any unhappiness in my life, like giving up TV or electronics.

Um, no, these are much harder and soul searching types of removing the clutter. The first two hit me like a ton of bricks, as they are ones I ALWAYS struggle with: give up your need to always be right and give up your need for control. Grrr. As if!

 I won't give the whole list away, as I think it is a good post you should read and dissect on your own. You may not struggle with the same ones I do. The ones that don't affect me are 8-10 and 15.  These are no-brainers to me, however, I can see where others might find them difficult.

 Number 8, "Give up your need to impress others." Maybe this comes with age, but I could care less what others think of me. You either like me, or you don't. End of story.

Number 9, "Give up your resistance to change." My life has always been a whirlwind of change, and when I joined the military, the change kept coming.  And kids? They are the definition of change.  Time doesn't stop.  The change keeps coming, so I just go with the flow. This seems like an easier thing to do than freak out when things don't go my way.

Number 10, "Give up labels." Again, never meant much to me. People are people and we bleed the same. The differences in us is what I love learning about.  Call it what you want, but it doesn't need to have label.

Number 15, "Give up living your life to other people's expectations." Holy heck, if many more miserable people would just live for themselves and not need to please everyone, they would be so much more happier. I remember standing up to my grandmother and letting her know that I was living for me, not for her - she just about fainted. We only get one life (that I know of), so make the best of it.

This is only a list of 15, but a lot of these 'suggestions' are hard to combat when you are so used to living this way. I know because I always feel better after a good bitch session, though I'm a real downer during one.

 

I suppose the whole point of this post is to let go and truly be happy, not just pretend.  You can only play a part for so long.

 

As the Dalai Lama says, "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions."

Baseball for Dummies

"Ice cream cone!" My son shouted, as the baseball I caught barely made it into my glove.  I shrieked as another ball came barreling towards me.  I dashed after another, huffing and puffing, and stretched my arm out to grab at it. 

This baseball season has been odd for me.  My 10-year-old is on another new team, and I am the one left who can practice with him.  Grandpa has too much on his plate and dad's work schedule has not been ideal.  That leaves me trying to improve my son's game, and not ruin it, with my limited knowledge of the sport.

This is how I ended up practicing with my son on a sunshiny day…wearing jeans.  I did not think this one through, as I was sweating like a hog.  However, once I had my rhythm, I was really enjoying myself.  I had forgotten how much fun baseball is.

Even though the season is almost over, and football will be next on our list, we can still throw the ball around and retain the arm for next year.  My expertise is not really needed, as the very nice lady who was watching us said, “You two did very well.  Good job mom.”

So, even though you may not know a thing about a sport, don’t let that keep you from attempting it.  I figure I may have a season or two left where I can still practice with my child, then it is sayonara mama.  And that sweaty, dirty grin I received from my son?  Definitely worth the pain I will be feeling the next day on my sore, sore arm.
 

Mean Girls

cinemanow.com

I thought being cruel stopped once you became an adult, but I guess I was wrong. You know that movie Mean Girls? Well, those girls grow up to be Mean Moms.

Since I became a mom, I have attended several sporting events that have given me a front row seat to the atrocious behavior of some parents.

You hear all the time of kids throwing tantrums and such, but it's no wonder considering the way some parents behave!

I attended several baseball games this weekend, all for the kids. While I was delighted to hear encouraging words, I did happen to catch an unpleasant incident.

I was seated on some bleachers with my daughter when a young boy of about 7 came by with a bright red ball.  You could tell he was from the other team because he was wearing their uniform, he was just a younger player.  His pants were on inside-out and he was filthy from playing in the dirt. He was absolutely adorable, with sunny yellow hair and bright blue eyes full of mischief. 

And full of mischief he was.  He was in and out of the bleachers, tossing his ball around and nearly hitting a couple of us.  After being shooed away he was digging in the dumpster, goodness knows what treasures he was looking for.  His enthusiasm made me smile.

He was bored with that pretty soon, and found his way back underneath the rickety bleachers.  He was weaving in and out until some potato chips on the ground caught his eye, and he promptly shoved them in his mouth.

"No honey, it's dirty on the floor." I said, as I simultaneously heard laughter behind me.

"Oh my God, did you see that?!" I heard them say, "That's so gross!"  They continued to comment and giggle as the poor child looked up at them.  You'd think that would shut them up.  If I could hear them, then he definitely could. 

If you could have seen the look in his eyes, you'd know I'm not  just being touchy.  Maybe the kid was just hungry and was eating whatever food was available to him, no need to talk about him like he's not there.

My daughter asked me why those ladies were laughing at the boy, and even that didn't stop them.  Not until a man came over and called for the boy did they shut up. 

I don't know why that touched a nerve so much, I guess because I thought about how awful they might treat a child when no one is around.  Guess some people don't lose the mean gene, huh? 

Opening Day



McNaughton Field

Opening day this year was different than all the other years I have attended.  For one, it was sunny.  Every year my son has played baseball (and T-ball), Opening Day has always been a drizzly, cold mess.  Last year was so bad, it was cancelled.  The sun was a welcome change.

National Library Week: Importance of Library Resources

So, I have failed horribly at posting all week for National Library Week. Brad Meltzer has already posted 3 videos for the 3 day of the week so far!

Today, he talks about the importance of job seeking resources in our libraries.  There are still a lot of people who are unemployed, and the computers at the library are in high demand to search and apply for jobs.  With little or no money, internet access at home is not a high priority.  Without libraries providing these free services, many people would not have access to fill out online applications.

So, pass the word along.  Some people might not be aware of what is available out there. 

I leave you with author Michael Rosen reading one of my favorite story books (which he wrote), We're Going On A Bear Hunt.  Enjoy!

Book Review: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Díaz

written for HACC's newspaper The Fourth Estate

Google Images

As a first-generation Mexican-American, I was thrilled to pick up a book that contained the language I speak: Spanglish. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao is a colorfully-worded novel that follows the life of the de León family, from the Dominican Republic to New Jersey, concentrating on the not-so-typical life of teenage Oscar.

The story of our Dominican Oscar Wilde (Oscar Wao, get it?) is told in parts by his sister, Lola, and his best friend, Yunior.  While the novel has been labeled by some as misogynistic, it follows with the way Rafael Trujillo led the Dominican Republic during his reign.  Each page is peppered with Trujillo political references, Spanish words, footnotes, and sci-fi references.  And, of course, Oscar.

 Everyone can attest to trying to live up to our parents’ expectations, and Oscar’s pitiful attempts to be something he is not touches the heart.  He spends much of his time reading sci-fi and fantasy books, and is not lucky with the ladies.  Being overweight does not help his cause and he is mercilessly teased by his own people.  Even his own two best friends go out and get girlfriends without him!

 It seems that Oscar’s ancestors have been cursed with the fukú, the unmentionable curse that has followed the family through generations.  We hear of the story of Oscar’s grandfather, Abelard, and his troubles with the dictator of the time, Trujillo.  We also learn about Abelard’s daughter, Beli (Oscars’ mother), and her past interactions of prejudice due to her dark skin.  While a cousin did taker her in, was that enough to heal her?  Perhaps all the brutality she endured is the reason that she is so tough on her own children.  We see how Lola’s adolescence is affected by her mother’s dominance, and it’s not pretty.

 Could it be that all of Oscar’s bad luck can be explained by this fukú?  Perhaps.  The whole book is full of examples of life’s unfairness that come down to perception: a beating could be seen as a curse or the survival of said beating as a blessing.  It seems to me that all the family’s trouble come from the love department, where they really do seem cursed!



Junot Diaz Blackbookmag.com

Díaz does a wonderful job in bringing the immigrant life to the forefront.  This is not just a story about Oscar.  No, it is the story of a family and the history of that time.  Díaz does not hide behind the pretty, but shows all the nastiness and ugliness out there.  Amidst all that, there is hope.  After all, who has more hope than a 19-year-old male virgin waiting to get laid?

National Library Week: April 8-15

One of my favorite things to do in all the spare time I have is read. 

If there is such a thing, I have way too many books in my possession.  Besides 2 bookcases, I also have several piles of TBR (to-be-read) books around our space-challenged apartment, a couple boxes in the garage (which I frequent to rotate the ones in the bookcase), not to mention all the ones I purchase for my children.  

I am also the proud owner of a Nook Tablet, a Christmas present from my husband.  I believe his hope was that my book hoarding would dwindle.  His plan has been unsuccessful thus far.  I frequent way too many secondhand bookstores to not take advantage of their steep discounts.  Even with the bookstore discount card, I find that I can get ADDITIONAL books digitally without taking up too much space.  Score!

I have loved books ever since I was able to escape to their dream worlds.  I was not always as lucky as I am now; I did not have the means to amass books as a youngster.  I scoured as many yard sales as I could to get my Sweet Valley High and Baby-Sitters Club series.  That was never enough.  My local library, however, had unlimited reading material for me to peruse.

I was there every Tuesday and Thursday without fail after my discovery.  Whether it was to study or just read, the place held many wonders for me.  Why not take a moment to visit your local library? There are many resources besides "just books" housed there.  Go out and sign up for a library card.  This coming week is a good time to start if you haven't visited your local library. 

April 8-14, 2011 is National Library Week.  I am going to try my best to post something library/book related every single day next week.  Tall order, I know.  But what better way to pay homage to a library that gave me so much?  I can't think of anything better.