Monday, April 11, 2011

Emotions

I admit I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.  In fact, it happens quite often.  I am very reactionary; tell me something that hurts and I instantly fire up.  It is my defense against the pain:  I would much rather feel anger than disappointment.  Why?
There is a quote by one of my favorite people, Maya Angelou that says, “Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”
I find this to be very true.  As soon as my emotions have flared up and died down, I can start to think rationally.  Things make more sense. 
That is not to say that I blow up at every little thing.  You may not see the inner struggle going on, but it is there.  The only one that gets to share in that joy is my husband.  He gets the full wrath of this Mexican.
I can be a complete jackwagon sometimes (or always) and my husband has the patience to deal with my moods.  I will apologize occasionally, but whatever it is, it is usually his fault. 
Do not go feeling sorry for him.  He knew what he was getting into when we married.  I made no bones about my being a nutcase.  I did not hide the psycho from him.
Call me crazy, but I find it much healthier to feel the rage, let it die down, and move on.  Hatred and resentment just take too much energy.  After 10 years, my husband has learned to LEAVE ME ALONE while I stew because once it is over, it’s over. 
We all have different ways of coping with our feelings.  Some people laugh it off, some cry, and some get really pissed off.  Some internalize and take it out on loved ones. 
Whatever way you choose to cope, just remember: Karma.  It all comes back to you tenfold. 
As for me, I have offspring that remind me every day why I should be a better example.  While none of us is perfect, I am giving myself (and my spouse) a pat on the back.  When other children tell you your kids are good friends, well, that is enough validation for me.